you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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