i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
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why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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