I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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