a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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