That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize