His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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