Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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