i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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