I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
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I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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