I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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