my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize