I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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