You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
false alarm, still single
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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