I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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