I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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