DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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