I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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