This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize