So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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