I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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