Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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