remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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