My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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