i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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