It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize