the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize