i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize