Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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