Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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