I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that's an acceptable place to lick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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