I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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