Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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