As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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