How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize