I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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