I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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