I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize