Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your cock deserves a montage
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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