RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
