So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ladies don't puke and tell
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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