this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize