I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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