i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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