Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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