I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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