very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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