I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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