dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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