clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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