Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize