All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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